Admission of Guilt?
I’m not a bad parent ….. well at least I hope I’m not, but Ill admit I do tell the occasional white lie to my kids and I bet you do too! If your sitting there reading this thinking you don’t ! Well that’s just a bigger porky-pie.
Most of the time my little white lies are told to make my life a little easier, parenting is tough gig, so sometimes stretching the truth a little bit can result in 2 minutes of much needed peace and quiet.
The other reason I occasionally fib is to protect my children , sometimes it’s their feelings but more often than not it’s to make them feel safe. I regularly tell them that mummy would never let anything bad happen to them, and this is probably my biggest lie! I know I’m not always going to be able to stop all of the bad in this world getting through, but I’ll keep telling them this lie until the day I die because I want them to feel safe and happy and loved.
So while I go polish my back door baseball bat, I’ll leave you to have a look at some of the most common white lies we tell our kids …… enjoy !
1) “If you don’t come now I’m leaving without you.”
Obviously I have no intention of leaving them, I’m not sure social services would be too impressed if I made good on my threat and was later found knee deep in chocolate bourbons and Netflix . My only defence being that they were warned and I simply saw it through governor!
2)“ Your picture is amazing”
I’m his mum I’m not going to critique something my kids have worked really hard on, so even if it looks like a physiologists ink blot test I’m going to praise them and then pray they don’t ask me to guess what it is 😲!
3) “That shop assistant is going to tell you off/throw us out”
The best bit about this one is not the reaction of your child, but more so, the poor unsuspecting shop worker who had been unknowingly employed as your parenting tool!
4) I tell my kids who can’t read yet a sign in a shop says, ‘No touching Or ‘No shouting .’
However this lie has a very short shelf life so use it wisely my young padawan and maybe hold back on helping with those spellings as much as you use to! After all that’s what the teachers are there for 😉
5) “If you lie your nose will grow !”
Now this one has backfired on me recently so I’ve had to change tact. The boy and I were in the doctors surgery with an elderly gentlemen with quite a large nose and ear combo. My son proclaimed loudly “look at that mans nose mummy, he must have told a lot of lies to his mum !”
I now check his hands for lie marks that only mum’s can see and hope he doesn’t catch on to my equally naughty deception.
6) “If you touch the Elf you’ll take its magic away”
This is a relatively new one but I know others who have similar conversations regarding the Christmas tree and even some parents who assure their children the smoke detector light is Santa CCTV ! Have we no shame 😂
7) “It’s bedtime! ” At 6.30, 7, or whenever the hell we like!
Again my children are still too young to tell the time or they might just be too lazy to get off the couch to see if I’m right but either way bedtime is decided by when mummy is shattered and can take no more! Summer can be tricky but Winters early dark nights make life and lying a lot easier 👍
8) “Im going to bed now too.”
We’ve watched an extra episode of the annoying pig cartoon, had another glass of milk and 3 wee’s after seemingly developing the bladder of a pregnant woman ! Enough is enough .
“Mummy is going to bed too, Yes, fully clothed with her glass of gin! What’s that ? No I’m just leaving the tele on to keep the dog company!”
9) “We’ll see…”
Sorry, I have no intention of buying this overpriced piece of plastic tut , I’m just hoping you forget about it on the way home after I’ve put you into a MacDonalds induced food coma!
10) “We’re almost there….”
When there’s about another 100 miles or more to go and the sat nav time display is creeping up, not down 🙄
11) “Your artwork is in a safe place”
If I kept all the kids arts works and “sculptures” there would definitely be an increased risk of fire in our home, seriously, I have enough to wallpaper the entire front room and it seems you guys have a similar “safe pace” for your little darlings designs………. the bin !
12) Old wives tales
Passed down for decades there’s some classics. Pull that face and the wind will change and you’ll stay like it . When the ice cream van plays that song it means they are all out if ice cream . Carrots will make you see in the dark and my personal fave…… If you watch to much television your eyes will go square! “Wow just like Steves from Minecraft”
Thank you for all your fabulous suggestions, please comment below with any other ‘Little White Lies’
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